The Drama Triangle — Almohannad Alsbeai

Drama Triangle by Dr. Stephen Karpman

Introduction

The Drama Triangle is a social model that summarizes the most destructive interactions in human relationships. It consists of patterns of negative communication that focus either on conspiracy or unhealthy dependency. The chain of interactions that happens within this model unfolds amid resentment and frustration on the part of those caught in it. I read about it while reading a book, and dug into several other sources to summarize it for you in the article in your hands today. This model speaks to the kind of interaction that happens between people in conflict — and how they inject drama into their relationships unconsciously.

According to some research, drama is addictive — like drugs. What reinforces the addiction is media, watching a lot of soap operas, and mixing with other drama addicts. The Drama Triangle model applies in the workplace to people who lack a sense of appreciation for their accomplishments. Just as a child engages in bad behavior to grab attention, employees act out dramatically to grab attention; if they didn’t get it through positive behavior earlier, they will get it through negative behavior.

You’ll find the drama addict an artist at creating something out of nothing — creative at twisting events to fabricate a story and plot with no basis in reality. This addiction can be observed at many levels: individuals, teams, departments, companies, sects, parties, even governments and states. Last but not least, indulgence in drama escalates to the point of obsession — or what is called paranoia.

Elements of the Drama Triangle

The Karpman Drama Triangle has three core elements represented by the corners of the triangle (as in the article’s cover image): the Victim, the Rescuer, and the Persecutor.

These elements are roles that humans play of their own volition — not by coercion — at the level of the conscious or unconscious mind. This three-role drama plays out before our eyes every day in many places: at work, at home, at school, at university, among friends, and so on. Anyone playing one of these roles will nearly convince you with the many justifications they can offer when the drama they’re living in is challenged.

The Victim Role

To be reprimanded or accused of something you didn’t do is an injustice inflicted upon you against your will — and this is not what the person playing the Victim does. The Victim is someone who loves the spotlight on the idea that they are oppressed, persecuted, stripped of agency, weak in character, and that everyone around them is conspiring against them for one reason or another. The person playing this role complains constantly and blames constantly, rarely takes responsibility for an event, and is always looking for a guide (Rescuer) to save them, believing they cannot succeed without the Rescuer’s help. The Victim has the ability to manipulate and exploit, and is masterful at spreading a spirit of surrender and a sense of helplessness. The person playing the Victim believes fate has chosen them to be a victim, that they are being driven and not choosing. The Victim is also extraordinarily dependent — so if you feel that someone overasks for your help with no regard for your circumstances, know that they are living the Victim role in their indifference, and may have chosen you as their Rescuer.

Have you heard of someone who complains constantly about their direct manager, even after changing jobs? Yes — they are playing the Victim role, and the law of attraction draws them toward bad managers. They will not be free of this suffering until they stop playing the Victim.

The Rescuer Role

This is the one the Victim turns to constantly for help, guidance, or rescue. The Rescuer’s slogan is “let me help you” or “I have the right answer.” The presence of the Rescuer in the Victim’s life keeps the Victim from realizing they’re playing the Victim role. The Rescuer differs from a person who simply enjoys helping others — the Rescuer loves playing this role and thinks they’re commissioned and responsible. They carry themselves beyond capacity by overgiving and can’t say no to anyone most of the time — they even make themselves responsible for things that aren’t theirs. The bigger problem: they cannot draw clear boundaries. The Rescuer believes there is always something that needs fixing or improving, that they have to shout loudly and demand it, or try to fix it themselves — otherwise they feel guilty. They apply, to a large degree, the proverb “the carpenter’s door is broken”: despite their skill at improving others, the areas in which they need to improve are barely on their priority list. This personality has been likened in some articles to Superman.

In many cases, the Rescuer loses friends and colleagues despite everything they’ve given them — because their overgiving made the people around them treat that giving as a given. When the Rescuer begins to feel that their giving is eating into their time and health and begins to pull back and decline, those around them grow resentful and angry, and the Rescuer loses them — even after long-standing relationships.

The Persecutor Role

This is a person who delights in transgressing against the Victim. In reality, the Victim’s behavior and way of thinking attract the Persecutor. The Persecutor is, in general, dogmatic about their opinion. Their slogan is “this is your fault.” The Persecutor is usually angry, quickly irritated, and impatient. They see themselves as right and everyone else as wrong, do not accept others’ viewpoints, and force their view on everyone. You’re either with them or against them, and they often throw accusations indiscriminately. In some cases, the Persecutor is just someone who used to play the Rescuer — but from giving so much, felt exploited, and became an attacker instead of a defender. They piled on the load while they were the camel, until the straw came that broke their back and they transformed entirely from Rescuer to Persecutor. Some Persecutors, over time, if their conscience stirs and they feel they’ve gone too far in their offenses, return to being Rescuers.

Roles are swapped from time to time. The one who played the Victim for a long time may realize they’re doing so and develop a desire for revenge — beginning to play the Persecutor role. These roles can also be played collectively by a particular group, as embodied in sectarian minorities playing the Victim with the help of media — even when they are actually the Persecutor.

The Drama Triangle in Working Life

This is a continuous life cycle: the Persecutor transgresses against the Victim, who then asks for help from the Rescuer, who stops the Persecutor in their tracks. As a workplace example: Ahmed and Mohammed are colleagues working under a manager named Khaled. Khaled asked Ahmed to provide him with a performance report on the team’s projects, which required input from all team members. Ahmed asked Mohammed for some information, but Mohammed forgot to provide what was requested. Mohammed played the Victim by escalating to Khaled. Khaled played the Rescuer, reprimanding Ahmed, whom both Ahmed and Khaled assume is the Persecutor. Ahmed felt terrible about the misjudgment, and now has two options: either play the Victim role and ask Mohammed to clarify the confusion to their manager, or play the Persecutor and take revenge for being misjudged. The drama continues and the work doesn’t get done. The alternative scenario: Ahmed goes to Mohammed and reminds him; Mohammed apologizes for forgetting and sends what’s needed — end of story.

Did the story remind you of similar stories at work and at home? The point is, the way one deals with situations is very different depending on whether the people involved deal with what’s happening realistically or dramatically. The difference: realists verify before drawing conclusions and consider all available options for getting the job done; drama players will form assumptions without verifying and without considering other available options.

Drama at work is an epidemic that spreads through teams and departments and infects the organization until it becomes a culture — one that’s hard to change.

Conclusion

Have you found yourself playing one of these roles? Maybe your role at home with your family differs from your role at work. The idea is to take yourself out of this drama and accept that drama is for actors — let’s watch it in films and series, not embody it and make it part of our daily lives. Even those Victims who genuinely deserve the title — those born with rare diseases or permanent disabilities — have done the impossible when they decided not to play the Victim. Once you recognize these roles, don’t let drama addicts influence you, and if you can convince one of these role players to quit, do so. Stay friendly and realistic, far from the drama.

Note

“The views expressed in this article are personal and do not necessarily reflect the views of the organization I work for.”

There is deep philosophy behind this model. You can read more in the following sources:

Karpman Drama Triangle
Stop Workplace Drama
The Power of TED (The Empowerment Dynamic)

← Articles MOC